Thursday, April 21, 2011

Convincing Your Parents: One of a Young Lolita's Biggest Challenges

A challenge that many Lolitas face is the challenge of convincing their parents to allow them to wear Lolita. Of course, this isn't much of a problem for older Lolitas, but when you get into Lolita at an early age it can cause quite a few problems. I got into Lolita when I was about twelve or thirteen and from the moment I said the word "Lolita" my mother was completely put off. But I am almost eighteen now and while they aren't exactly thrilled with the idea of me wearing something so strange my parents have grown to accept that I am probably not going to change my mind about wanting to wear it any time soon.
Because of the problems I had trying to convince my parents to let me purchase my first Lolita dress online, I am creating this blog post to help beginner Lolitas get through the process more easily. Starting with the next paragraph, this post will be me talking directly to your parents. So, whether it is you who needs help or a friend, I hope this will help you to at least get an idea of ways to convince your parents that Lolita fashion is not a bad thing! You may not even want to make them read it (there really is a lot) but rather go through yourself and pick out the parts that you think are important to tell your parents about. Here we go!

Dear reader,

Hello! If you are reading this, chances are you are the parent or guardian of someone who is interested in Lolita fashion. I would like to start this off by telling you that Lolita fashion in no way relates to the book or movie "Lolita" or the dictionary definition of the word meaning "a sexually precocious young girl." So why is it called Lolita? Well, in all truthfulness, nobody really knows. Lolita is a Japanese fashion so the name for it originated in Japan. The best explanation is that the person who originally named the fashion got lost in translation and took the word Lolita to mean just a young girl without realizing the sexual connotation associated with the word. Furthermore, I would like to point out that Lolita fashion is in no way associated with any fetishes such as "age play" or French maid fetishes.
Lolitas dress for themselves rather than dressing for someone else. It is not something that someone wears in order to attract men or anyone else. Lolita is not a sexual thing and in fact, is actually based in part around the idea of modesty and elegance. Blouses and dresses are generally high-cut and skirts are around knee length. Many Lolitas even wear old fashioned bloomers under their skirts to help ensure modesty!

Perhaps you are worried that your child will make a fool of themselves by wearing these clothes in public (or if you are like my father, you may even be worried about them making a fool of you.) That is quite understandable. Most parents want their children to be accepted by their peers and to protect them from people who might say mean things about them. But just know this: Your child knows what they are getting into. Most kids go through a stage where they don't care what people say about them (trust me, I'm in that stage right now as a matter of fact) and sometimes they never grow out of it. There are plenty of adults who wear what they like no matter what the public has to say about them. And if your child isn't that type of person, chances are they will just learn from the experience of trying it.
If you are still not convinced, there are other options. There is a sub-style of Lolita which is appropriately called "Casual Lolita" because it is more toned down than most Lolita styles. A casual Lolita outfit generally consists of a Lolita skirt with a less poofy petticoat than usual, a less "frilly" or "outlandish" blouse or nice top, and less accessories than your average Lolita outfit. (For more information on Casual Lolita, follow this link.)

Another point I often hear is that parents don't want their children buying from the internet because they are worried about it being dangerous. As someone who has been purchasing Lolita clothing online for four or five years, I can tell you that I have never had any major problems. The only problems I have had with buying online have been with ebay shops. Some ebay shops are scammers and will just take your money without sending you your item, but this can easily be avoided by checking the seller's ratings and reviews. But in reality, it is sometimes not best to buy Lolita on ebay at all because a lot of the sellers on ebay are not the best quality and sell things that aren't really Lolita, with labels to make people think it might be. It is generally best to stay away from ebay when buying Lolita items.
If you are worried about a specific shop online, the best thing to do is search for reviews from customers who have bought from the shop. (For more tips to ensure safe online purchases, please visit this link.)

One last thing that parents seem to have problems with is that Lolita can be expensive. There are Japanese Lolita brands that charge upwards of $200 for their dresses. But don't worry, this can be avoided! There are offbrand Lolita sites that sell high quality Lolita clothing for much cheaper than the big Japanese brands, so if you don't want your child spending so much on a dress, have them do some research on other Lolita shops.

As a 17-year-old Lolita, I know how hard it is to convince your parents to accept your fashion choices. That is why I created this post on my blog to help beginner Lolitas have an easier time with this. (Believe me, with a father who is a very conservative police officer, I had quite a bit of trouble with this.) I hope this post has been helpful for your understanding of this fashion your child is interested in and I hope I have helped you to make a decision.


Emerald Rose Widow said...

This is very awesome, this should help many a young lolita. Very well written, concise, and not bogged down by too much info. Hehe, seems you have quite a bit of experience with this.

Anonymous said...

thanks ! this helped a lot !
I'm 16 and my parents are very strict when it comes to make up and clothing because they don't want me to attract attention (especially from men) Lolitas obviously attract a lot of eyes whether with good complements, hate comments or jealous stares. I'm starting to slowly bring up the subject, slowly collect accessories and we'll see how it goes in a few months :) wish me luck !
Lolita is a way of expression, i never saw two exact lollies (except the twin lollies) ^^ love your blog, hope to having more posts in the future ~

Tiffany said...

This is really useful for me as my dad and stepmom make me cry if I just bring up the WORD lolita. Hopefully I can convince them, as I have been interested in the style from the time I was 10. Im 14 now, and I don't even own a thing of lolita. My mom is Japanese, and she is even more against it for some reason. I thought if anyone would understand and like it, it would be her. But sadly, no. Nobody in my ENTIRE family accepts my dream.

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